Death wish?

Very recently the Man-of-the-House appeared at the back door cradling a ball of fluff with a look that said 'Ah Em, look what I've got......I had to rescue it from a loveless home'

How could I say no?

So, may I introduce Holly The Christmas Kitten



But you see we already have a big cat, two dogs, two lizards, a fish and two children!

There have been some initial settling in issues. Lots of hissing and spitting from the big cat. Some stalking and a murderous glint in the eye of the small dog. The big dog, however, is as cool as a breeze.  Ollie seems to have adopted Holly the teeny interloper as his own and is keeping the other animals in line.

Actually, I've had to stop this crazy little critter from chasing our normally fearless terrier around the house.  The brazenness of youth ;o)

Needless to say there are lots of mad charges, giant leaps, tumbling and exploring.

It was highly entertained when she repeatedly tore around the living room at break neck speed, along the piano, the backs of the furniture before finally leaping with reckless abandon from the settee directly onto Him-Indoor, who apparently makes an excellent springboard to the rocking chair. He was not quite so entertained!

Of course my time has come too.

The universe must have balance.

Yes - Holly loves my knitting.

 

Tonight she chewed through my working yarn three times.

Not a good start to our friendship.

Just remember Holly, cuteness will only get you so far.........

Happy weekend all!

xoxox Em xoxox


Edited:  Name suggestions would be appreciated please, she arrived as Holly but big dog is called Ollie and the name confusion is all getting too much for him...

Lost in Space

Isn't life funny!

I haven't signed up for it.

I haven't visited it.

I didn't even know it existed.

Yet...my little blog keeps getting referrals from a website for those looking for adult fun.  How disappointed they must be when they get here!!!!

But how am I connected to it?  No idea.  Bizarre.

I do confess to once signing up an ex-colleague up to an adults-only internet site, in reprisal for all of his practical jokes.  I called him Big-Red, he got LOTS of interesting offers from potential friends of every persuasion.  Unfortunately it didn't take him long to recognised my handiwork.  But seriously that was the only time I went near a site like that and it was years ago.....honestly!!

So people if you're here looking for some cyber action, you're in the wrong place.  Sorry about that.

However, feel free to peruse my crafty pictures, some of them kinda raw  ;o)

xoxox Emma xoxox

A moment in time

My curly blondes all snuggled up together fast asleep....

it melts my heart....

I want to remember these times always.

xoxox Emma xoxox 

A cheeky little DIY

When we moved into The House That Jack Built, there were many things that needed to be sorted out.  One of the less pressing priorities were the kitchen tiles. 

But eventually their time came...

Here is an immediately before photo, there's even a box of tiles on the side!

They don't look too bad from a distance but up close they were mottled and always looked grubby, just a bit tired really.

You may be wondering why I have a floral bit of wallpaper stuck up behind the hob, well, I was trying to decide if I'd like a splash-back feature piece.  It was there for a week or two and my lovely hubbers never questioned it once, he's obviously totally used to my strange behaviour at this stage!

And after....

Much brighter I think :-D

I've never done any wall tiling before so I'm really quite chuffed at the way they turned out.  To be truthful though I am not entirely convinced that they won't fall off the wall in the middle of the night!!!  I'm not telling Him-Indoor about these concerns, best not to really!

There were a couple of moments of stress during this DIY project but on the whole it was quite good fun.  I was especially entertained when the Hubbers got totally drenched by the water tile cutter because he'd switched it on without putting the splash guard down first!

And this was my view for the last day or two...

Hot!! 

The pen marks on his bum are due to me, being a tad juvenile and marking the line of his pants when he bent over (I am very easily entertained). 

The only things left to say is...Come on, man invest heavily in belts! ;o)

TTFN

xoxox Emma xoxox

Stitch Marker Lessons

I've been drooling over some of the very pretty stitch markers on Etsy.  I'm particularly fond of the polymer clay ones, possibly because I'm totally useless at that type of crafting....unlike my incredibly talented little sister.

Seriously, how could you fail to be charmed by these little monkeys!

See No Evil Monkey Set (Etsy)

And, I totally love the way these little ladybirds seems to be looking all around!

Ladybird Stitch Markers (Etsy)

Each time I had to move one of my own sad little looped bits of yarn, I silently reminded myself to get a move on and make something a bit better.

So, when I narrowly avoided hoovering up some beads from my crafty Little Woman's bedroom floor I took it as a sign.  Armed with some O-rings, florists wire, some beads and a much too large pliers I set about stitch-marker-making.

In 5 minutes flat I had bodged together 5 or 6 little beady markers, with one being slightly different from the others so that I could use it to mark the start of the round.  I thought that was surprisingly forward thinking for me...

As with all things in life there were some lessons to be learned by this crafty little adventure

1.  The right tools make the job much easier

2. Metal O-rings have quite sharp edges, which aren't that friendly to plastic needles

3. A stitch marker will prove to be quite useless if you leave it on the piano and forget to put in onto your needle

4. Being a dimbo gives your knitting the upper hand

5. Your knitting easily then becomes the boss of you, you are no longer the boss of it

5. Frogging is not fun

However - do not let this put you off making some markers for yourself - no doubt you are all much brighter than me!!!

Happy Crafting

xoxox Emma xoxox

Bob and The Disaster

Two posts in one day, what ever next!

Today's second post was going to be about entirely about the first of two ripple baby blankets that I've been asked to make by my cousin who is expecting twins.

In an effort to hedge the gender bets I decided to go with a rainbow theme.  The blanket is still in its infancy, I have only finished the red to green rows on the first repeat.  Affectionately I've begun to refer to this blanket as Bob.  You see, if Bob Marley had ever felt the overwhelming urge to have me crochet him a ripple baby blanket then this one would be for him, I guess that's what happens when you choose the colours by artificial light.  I'm really hoping that as the colours progress it will become more rainbow and less Bob.  At the moment though I feel like I should go out in search of some cannabis to include when I hand the blanket over.

My cousin is never to know that I call the blanket Bob, she would not be impressed.

Bob (my camera really doesn't like the red end of the spectrum)

Anyway... this post has been hijacked so that you can read about the drama of the day.

I awarded myself a day off today and have been enjoying a nice, quiet, relaxing day to myself.  Everything has been going so well.  I made a coffee, lit the fire and got chatting to my lovely sister on the computer.  It is pouring rain outside but from where I am sitting its quite soothing listening to it hammer on the roof. 

Well, as time passed I began to get a bit chilly and thought that maybe I had put the fire out with the mountain of coal that I'd thrown on it.  Casually I swung open the door of the stove to check....only to be engulfed in a huge ball of flames!!

In the blink of an eye I'd singed off loads of my hair...and I mean loads...including my left eyebrow and eyelashes.  Perhaps this is divine retribution for laughing so heartily when my Big Man singed off quite a chunk of his hair. 

As I am alone in the house I can not possibly take a photo to show you, therefore, I have improvised with an artists sketch:

I hope you appreciate the effort that went into this sketch, especially in my current traumatised state.

So, it looks like I will definitely be knitting myself a willy hat after all!

xoxox Emma xoxox

PS Until today I had thought that singed was spelt shinged

but that of course would make it sh-inged...very Sean Connery

Rude?

Warning:  The nature of this post may offend some people, therefore, please accept my advance apologies if it does. 

My man is away from home for a couple of weeks.  No, he hasn't been sentenced to a short stay in the Big House nor is his livin' it large with a saucy temptress.  On the contrary, he has gone to England to give my old Dad a hand with his home renovations.

Needless to say we are all miss The Hairy One a great deal.  Both kiddlings had little teary episodes at bedtime this evening, whilst I comforted them felt I also had to explain that the are lots of parents around the world who have to leave their families for months at a time to fulfil there duties as soldiers, sailors and airmen.  Incredibly brave men and women, and I can't imagine the emotions of the families left at home.

As I was wanting to do something nice for my man (other than some personal topiary) I went on to the wonderful Ravelry website in search of a beanie recipe.  The Hairy One is very fond of wearing a beanie at work.

There are oodles of fab patterns on Ravelry, many of which are free.  Plenty to choose from.

On page 3 of my search I was introduced to Patterson Beanie which I like a great deal.  There is something quite familiar about it.  I decide this is the one I'm going to knit for the Big Man in my life. 

Cool? Yes, it sure is!!

Then I realise what it reminds me of...  More than likely I am the only person who thinks this but it reminds me of the foreskin of a flaccid willy!  Really it does.

Now, don't for one minute think that would stop me knitting it (with love) for my hubby because it wouldn't.  We are all aware of my propensity to use the odd genitally inspired curse, accordingly, I feel this hat would be entirely appropriate for those time when, in absolute affection, I call him a dickhead.

In fact, I think I should knit one for me too....

Happy pattern surfing,

xoxox Emma xoxox

P.S. Sarah Fitzpatrick if you ever have the misfortune to read this blog, I hope you are not offended my my observations, I honestly think your beanie is great!

???

Today I had an epiphany.

Directly above my head a little (slightly dim) light bulb pinged on. 

Up to that point I had been unaware.

But now, I am enlightened.

What was the source you may ask?

Well, picture if you will....

My Little Man was getting increasingly frustrated playing Super Mario on the Wii that Santa brought for Christmas.
There were too many pleas for help and sad expressions, directed at yours truly, to be ignored. 

I crumbled and took hold of the controls.

At that very moment Mario was doomed, his life expectancy slashed.

Not to be deterred I called out to the ever faithful Mr Google.

Yes! I had heard of something called cheats and if anyone knew how to sort this Mr Google would.

Mr Google dutifully informed me that....

Cheat: Infinite Lives

This fantastic cheat will get you 99 lives easily -- you can always return for more! Go to the Supermassive Galaxy in World 4 and choose the first Star challenge. Play through the level until you get to the hockey puck-shaped planet with three supermassive Koopa turtles patrolling it. DO NOT grab the Spin Drill -- you'll have to get hit to lose it if you do! Run up behind a Koopa and long-jump (press Z while running and then press JUMP) onto its back. You need to long-jump from about a turtle-shell-length behind it to catch the "sweet spot." Continue to hold the analog stick to the RIGHT and hold JUMP to continually bounce off the Koopa's shell. If you fall off or hit the head, try again. If you hold these buttons you should be able to maintain momentum while constantly bouncing on the shell. After a few bounces you'll rack up 1-Ups for each hit.

Source: Advice from The All Knowing Mr Google

My reaction was akin to this...

Source: Life.com

I read and re-read the advice.

I then ran it through Google Translator as it is quite obviously written in another language.

Alas not.

Then it dawned on me that I just needed a young person to translate!

PING!!  (light bulb switches on)

Sweet Lord, I'm over-the-hill...I'm passed it...I'm too old to understand!!!!!!

How? When? Where? Why??? I AM STILL YOUNG...at least in the eyes of my peers...

But now, after some quiet time in a darkened room (with a large glass of wine and some pharmaceutical comforters), I have accepted that the road to recovery is not on my personal GPS, nor is it able to locate the hill that I am over nor where I passed 'it'.

Alas - I must leave anything more challenging than a light switch to the youth of today.  

xoxox Emma The Ancient xoxox

But, I thank my lucky stars that hooks and needles are still within the rapidly failing capabilities of this ageing mind.

 (on a side note - I'd like to wish a very happy new year to the lovely postal employee that has stolen a number of our parcels this year including the original Wii that was destined for Santa's sleigh and left Santa with challenge of getting hold of another so close to Christmas!)

Two Thousand and Eleven

May I begin by wishing you all a truly contented 2011. 

I have high hopes for this young year, and believe that it will knock the socks of its predecessor, in the most positive of ways.  Accordingly, I resolve to make the most of 2011, to give thanks for the amazing family and friends that I am blessed with and to keep trying to be better person.  I do not resolve to eat better,  exercise more, keep a better house or curse less...all of which I should do but this year I'd really rather a healthy soul than a nice tight bum!

I'm kinda excited at the prospect of a good year!

Aiming for the stars :-D

xoxox Emma xoxox

P.S.  Thought you might be interested to see my first ever completed knitting projects, it was a mystery KAL designed by Tikki.  Really, really enjoyed making this little top.

And, best of all, my little woman LOVES it!!!!

xoxox

The Progeny War

Recently I've been feeling strange, just not myself.  A little bit odd.  Somewhat unsettled. Why is that?  Is it because I'm not working for the first time in 21 of my 35 years??  A little loss of identity? Guilt? Shame? WHAT??

Anyway...boredom with those feeling overtook me and I took myself of into a corner and had a word.

So, there are things about my life I don't like.  Some of them I can change, some of them I can't.  For example, I have a cranky husband, loving but cranky (I know this is a blog land where everyone has perfect partners but I guess I'm just a rebel) and short of giving him a frontal lobotomy there is not a whole lot I can do...  Likewise, the dog insist on pooing on the route between back door and car door.  What's a girl to do?

But there are things I can sort...and so begin the Progeny Wars.  Before I go any further I'd like to point out that this is a war of attrition and that I have not actually taken arms against my children.

There are three things that my kids do that really get on my wick, I'm gonna list them...

1.  They complain about the clothes I put out for them for school.  Choosing the only non-uniformed school in the universe seemed like a good idea at one stage.  They complain loudly about my choices yet are unwilling to choose their own clothes.

2.  They dis my cooking.  OK, this is understandable but seriously I can cook without poisoning them to death, surely that is sufficient?  Have they ever known any better?  Is their cooking any better, I ask you?? 

3.  Bedtime....For the Love and Honour of anything that is Divine or Holy in any religion..why do my kids hate going to bed so much?  Why do they think its my fault that they have to sleep?  Why do they wriggle around their beds for hours before exhaustion overtakes?  Give in, I think, give in...

On balance, I'm not a cool mum with loads of cash so there is feck all I can do about the coolness of their clothes.  Seriously though, are there many 4 year old boys out there that are anally particular about every item of clothing??  Personally, I believe as an adult he'll be a fashion designer or gay.  My Dad will be so pleased if he's gay, we (my 3 siblings and I) believe he really wanted one of us to be homosexual.

Back to the Progeny War..

I did some humming and hawing about what to do on the food front.  I contemplated attending cookery school, I thought about getting a house keeper but in the end I settled on porridge.  Yup, porridge.  After a few days of porridge for dinner, my culinary offerings will seem like haute cuisine........

As far as bedtime goes...until now the kids went down around 8.30pm with a story on each ipod.  That has now stopped, bedtime is 7pm SHARP, with no story and absolutely no toys in bed.  To police this I have taken to sitting on the landing until they are asleep.  This would be an entirely selfless act if it were not for the laptop (my sisters keeping me company on skype), my knitting and a glass of wine.  Its selfless to the point that my perfect husband (see how I slipped back into proper blogging there) wandered out to me with a fresh glass of vino and said that he thought I actually enjoyed being out there....  Seriously dearest, how could I?  No Sky Sports to keep me company?!?!  ;-)

Anyhooooo.  So far I am winning the war of attrition and my children still (seem to) love me...but I will keep you posted.

Overall though I have decided to stop being a weirdo and get back to enjoying my life, after all the glass is half full...I just wasn't looking at it properly!

Big kisses to you all,

'Lula xxxx

Where does the time go?

This week our Little Woman turned 8!! 

I really, truly, honestly don't know how that happened...  It was only a blink-of-the-eye-ago that two of my aunts visited us in hospital and told me that the first 6 weeks were the hardest.  Unbeknown to them I was feeling a little overwhelmed at that very moment and thought that I was entirely incapable of managing six whole weeks.  Yet, here we are 8 years later and I want the time to slow down, our Little Woman is growing up too fast.

I'm trying to negotiate a growing up hiatus, I'd like her to stay 8 for the next 5 years or so, when she will turn 9 and remain that way for a further 5 years.  She is less than impressed with my proposal!

Today was the birthday party, with around 30 kids here to celebrate.  The day was LOUD, giggle-filled and fun.  The theme was a Spa Day with foot spas, face masks and mani/pedi's for all.  Even the boys took their turns in the foot spas but they fiddled with the dials rather than relaxed!!

She received enough gifts to open a toy shop and they collectively consumed enough calories to feed a small nation for a week...

...now its all over and the Little Woman is sitting on the floor playing with her new toys.  We asked her what the best part of the day was and was told there was too much to choose just one best bit.  Happy Days!

And I'm about to crack open a nice bottle of red to celebrate/drown my sorrows at the passing of another year.

Wishing you all a fun filled weekend!

xoxox Valula xoxox